Yesterday, I Did a Thing

So yesterday I bought a new to me Tesla. As I drove home from the dealership, a dear friend encouraged me to vlog how I was feeling at the moment. I was so happy to finally get this car. We had been looking at Teslas for about a year, but I could never really pull the trigger because it felt too luxurious, too showy, too much. 

And while I was thrilled to have this car, that all too familiar feeling of you don’t deserve this, over shadowed my joy. The feelings of you could have done so much more for someone else, this was such a waste of money, or who do you think you are? The guilt was trying to cripple my ability to have JOY about something I was blessed with. 

Everyone I told about the car was so happy for me. They said things like “I’m so proud of you, you deserve this, you’ve worked so hard, and you’ve been kind and generous.” Those words can be so hard to receive, because we are the enemies of our own souls. So here is the kicker, here is the most important part:  if I remembered my story, if I reflected, if I could see my life in a slide show, I would be happy for me too! 

 There has been tears, and pain, and trials. There have been times I’ve almost lost it all, and in the process lost a lot. But I never quit. I just kept on, learned as I went (many, many lessons!), and NEVER GAVE UP, even when logic said it was the best option!

Back to this word deserve, its so heavy, its so deep, it weighs so much. As my husband would say, everyone deserves something whether its positive or negative. Today, I’m going to believe I am worthy, and that I deserve good things, because I am loved. And I want you to believe that for yourself too. 

I spent the majority of the drive crying just thinking about how good God has been to me.

 Who would have thought you could feel the love of God in a TESLA? I’ll have to let Elon know. 

With lots of love and wishes of good things for you, too!

Amy