You Won’t Catch Me Giving Parenting Advice Often

But this I know…

Give your kids the space to tell the truth. Let them be able to come to you in freedom and not the fear of judgement. I think about if I approached God with the same mentality as our kids do, as if he doesn’t know it all anyway. 

Listen, Linda, I lay it all out on the line, I tell him all the slop in my life and what I am feeling, and I always walk away feeling better for it, always feeling more loved and understood than less. And that’s what I hope to create for my kids, but trust, I have a lot to work through.

I think the biggest barrier is this- if we can get rid of the thought that our kids are an extension of us, we could let them be who they are. If we understand that they are a mosaic of their genetic makeup and who God created them to be, we could free ourselves from that expectation, even, dare I say it, that responsibility. Teach them yes, nurture them, and love them, but let them be who they are. My husband is such a great model for this, because he is so willing to let our kids be the little weirdos they are, and I love him for that, our teenage son feels free in telling him allll the things, and honey, I mean alllll. I am grateful to not be in those conversations, whew! But I aspire to be like him in that way. 

Here is the thing, they are going to be who they are! If you put so much pressure on them, as soon as they get out of your control they will run so far and so fast from you. Maybe this your story? You cannot control human beings, big or small, because to be human is to have your own spirit, and your own will. 

My little Ruthie is so spunky, and I love it, and that spunk often means she sees things very differently than me. And that’s ok, believe me that’s what I have to remind myself of daily, because honey, she tries me! But I want her voice to be loud, I want her NO to make people stop, I want her to not sacrifice her boundaries in order to be polite. Pardon, my French, but fuck that shit. She has to know her voice to be able to use it, and use it strongly, and I want to be the one cheering her on, not embarrassed by the noise she is making! 

Look, I get it, if you grew up with parents that tried to harness you, criticize you, or you never felt like you lived up to their expectations, then take that shit off! Take it all the way off. Strip down to who you are and live out your life the way you want, unapologetically. 

The beauty and pain of parenting is that it gives you the opportunity to work through your own issues. The question is, will you take it?