let's get social

Enjoy The Surprises…

Amy's Love Notes

June 22, 2024

After unloading all of the ish of this week onto my therapist, she said you know why you don’t like spontaneity or surprises? Because as a child that meant abandonment. What a moment of clarity. 

The control we try so hard to have, how we try to white knuckle a situation and let nothing slip out of our grasp, is almost always a trauma response. 

This week has been unnerving for me. There are so many things up in the air for me, and its unsettling in the sense that I have no control over any of it. Literally all I can do it wait and hope and pray, oh and wait.  I have the mental image of me standing on concrete and the ground underneath starts rumbling and cracking and moving drastically, like a major earthquake. 

It sounds terrifying right? But all I can think of when I see this image is the feeling of being on a roller coaster, hands up in the air, wind in my hair, not worried about anything. Like some major unearthing is happening and what’s supposed to terrify me is exhilarating! Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments of terror, but mostly I am this- EXCITED! 

Excited about the possibility of change, and growth, and challenges and hard work and dreams coming true. Excited about stepping into my future. Remember when you were a kid and a surprise was a good thing, instead of always feeling like the other shoe was going to drop, like we do as adults? Think about getting excited for your birthday cake surprise!? What a thrill!

I’m remembering back to a time just a few short months ago where I felt trapped in a situation and literally didn’t see a way out of it. I really thought I would just have to ride it out and then something so divine happened, so swiftly and with such ease that I was taken a back. When I got the news, I had to stop in the middle of my driveway and scream, because God worked something out for me, something so in my favor, because I have his favor. And looking back I see that, I see all the things that have worked out for me, even when it didn’t seem likely.

 I want to say this- be ok with the unknown, be ok with not having control, be expectant for something good to happen, no, something amazing! And be ok with surprises, because they are oh so sweet! 
WITH SO MUCH LOVE, 
Amy Jah

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *